I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
