it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just had sex bonerless
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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