Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize