It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
