dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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