He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is pants optional.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
