I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
