You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
