We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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