walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
