Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
