New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
