That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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