apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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