one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
