Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
