So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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