So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
