How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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