can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
