My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
