My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
