I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
