I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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