I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did i just pee glitter
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
