So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need moral support for this bender
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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