please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
