Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize