i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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