were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
