Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
