She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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