Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
from now on my penis is your penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
