haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
