i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize