So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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