She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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