he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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