i just had sex bonerless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
