what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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