Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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