I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
