you traded sex for a burrito?
I just gift wrapped bread.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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