It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
