You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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