shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
