why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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