if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
