why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
