I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
