I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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