matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
