I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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