Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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