She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
