i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
