Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my liver is dry heaving
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
