Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
