I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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