Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
another moral hangover. fuck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize