youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
