she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
