RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
