i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize