I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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