Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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