i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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