STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
