I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
