This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
