my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
