I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
