Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
