She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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