Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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