Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
