If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
