nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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