Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
