Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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