Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
