Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I AM VODKA MAN
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
