u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
