You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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