Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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