I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
