I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
