Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
