FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
