I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
