We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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