Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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